Working in Another State

At work in NYC I have this picture directly under my computer monitor, and will often stop, sigh, maybe grin.  It's been hard to be away, but I also have to admit that it's been a bit of a vacation.  Generally, my head is in such a better place, that life is good.  I really enjoy the challenge of my new job.  It is the first time in years I've felt intelligent, and capable, and useful.  It's amazing what being busy and having a lot of challenging dilemmas presented to you can do for your self-perception. I had felt much too stagnant for much too long.

Beyond just finally liking the work, I love my new co-workers.  I have already made some very good friends, and generally like most everyone.  Even if part of my job is to be a PITA, and people don't always take that well. ;). Also, being away from my family, it gives me more time to socialize with all of them.  We go out to dinner together most nights, and often hit the gym together (ok, not that often) or end up in each others' rooms until all hours of the night.  My schedule is so screwy.  But I'm still getting more sleep than I ever could have dreamed of since having children.  Six or seven hours most nights.  I know!  Not only that, I don't have to cook clean, or even do laundry.  It's quite blissful.

I don't know how it will work once I get home.  I am replacing multiple people because they still need to hire more, so I have a lot on my plate.  That's not so hard when alone in a hotel, but we shall see in the future.  I'm also worried about the longer commute.  But it'll be ok.

Robby's doing well with it.  Apparently he usually cries for around 15 minutes when I leave, and will ask about me every hour or so, but he likes getting to see the trains.  He at least was still my cuddly little man when I got home last weekend.  Though he did try and misbehave a lot more than usual for me.

Generally, I couldn't ask for more.  I like my job.  I finally feel more like the social person I used to know.  My husband is doing a wonderful job holding down the fort.  I can't really edit this on the train, so you get to see TONS of typos and a picture turned the wrong way,but I've got to put it up, or it will never happen.  I'm almost home!!!!  YAY!

Full Disclosure

I had found it harder and harder to write recently because so much of my life was not able to be discussed in a public way.  But as of today, that can all change!  (Sure, I'll use this as an excuse why I haven't posted Robby's 20-month post, even though that has nothing to do with anything)

The short version is that I had been job hunting.  More things were seeming promising, and then one came out of absolutely nowhere, I got an offer, it's been accepted, I've tendered my resignation, and woah.  It's all happened very fast.  I'm excited for this new opportunity for growth, and that it's going to be a challenge, but honestly?  I'm also having some difficulty coping with a HUGE thing that is looming in the near future.  In two weeks I will start my training.  In New York City.  By myself.  For the next month.

I have never left Robby for more than 24 hours.  Just saying that makes tears start to well up in my eyes.  I honestly am not sure how I'm going to stay professional while so far away from my little man.  I'm going to have to, but OH will it be hard not to break down every time I think of him.  About a hundred times a day.  I get to come home on weekends, but it's still a lot.  I'm so scared that he'll no longer be my cuddly little momma's boy when I get back.  That he'll some how have moved on, or will resent me, or...gosh, I don't know.  I doubt I'll MISS anything huge (though, I hope that potty training continues to improve while I'm gone.  Hmm hmm).  But I do fear what it will do to our relationship.  I know, he's 1 1/2.  He'll be fine.  But...I don't know if I will be.  And, I don't know if Chris will be.  Being a single parent for the next month will be rough!

When I get back, we're going to be putting our house on the market, and moving.  Where?  I don't know.  But our current house is an hour commute each way.  I'll be doing it for awhile, but it's not a long term solution.  More questions yet to be answered.

Anyway, there's where I've been.  And some of where I'm going.  And maybe I'll post a bit more in the future.

Robby at Work

Yesterday, I registered for daycare.  While many people have said how lucky I am to be working part-time from home with him, I feel like he ends up neglected, and I am more stressed out because my 4 hours of work end up taking 10.  The whole time I'm working, I feel guilty that I'm not interacting with him, and the whole time I'm interacting with him, I feel guilty I'm not working.  I need some compartmentalization.  So, it looks like I'll be in the office 3 days a week.  Anyway.  Here are shots of his normal day.

Even at this second, I am working to break this, but during the day, 99% of his naps occur in his swing:

Woo hoo!  Mom's talking to me!!!

Learning to self-soothe since mom's too distracted.  Hands are wonderful things: 

Even the dog feels neglected.  This is shot from my desk chair.

Eye-ing the wall of diplomas.  "This is what you studied for, Mom?"

 

Bring on the next round of mommy guilt!

Free Time

Well...if I'm not getting blog posts up, I have no excuse any more.  I have plenty of time!  My hours at work have been reduced by 1/2.  I have been expecting this, but it still will be difficult financially.  I have been eluding to this for some time, so obviously, it has not come out of left field that lay-offs were coming down the pike.  I just was hoping that it might be closer to my due date so that we could try and save a bit more money first.

I'm also even more stuck than I felt before.  It's pretty clear that I'm not just chubby, but rather pregnant.  And, while it would be illegal to discriminate against me, I think that there are enough people looking for work right now that any company I applied with would be able to find an equally suitable candidate...that wouldn't have a conflict in about 5 months. 

So, I will try and be entertaining and talkative, though, we shall see.  God never closes a door without opening a window, right?