My Marriage Role Models...and the Party

 

Honestly?  I have never been so happy for a party to occur in my life.  Of course, I'm thrilled that my grandparents have stuck it out so long, but there was a selfish component, as well.  I was responsible for assembling a scrapbook of memories and photographs between the time I arrived in Columbus on Tuesday evening and the party Friday afternoon.  I became a little stressed with this task, and I am very grateful for my aunt who madly glue-sticked with me for the last couple hours prior to the event.

My grandparents.  You must understand, this is not a Donna Reed-esque marriage by any means.  Both of my grandparents have strong personalities, and thrive on their differences, to some extent.  This made writing up memories a little interesting.  All of us recited moments where it took 10 minutes to enter a store because there was a debate over which shopping cart to use, or the like.  (True, it happened with me.)  We decided that, perhaps, these were not the memories we wanted to highlight.  Obviously, we came up with ample positive stories, but we certainly had to turn on the internal filter!

That being said, I think this is what makes them GOOD role models.  I came from a family that had grit.  We have fights, we have "words", but we are a very loyal stock.  You stick it out.  You get over it.  And that is why you are strong.  You don't leave things unsaid, or bottled up, or hanging out in the wind.  To be fair, to some extent, this mentality has been difficult for my husband.

Recently, we have dealt with our opposite styles of "discussion".  Ok, arguing.  I let down my filter.  I say what I'm thinking.  And I expect him to do the same...but he doesn't.  Most of the time.  Chris's fighting style is to get quiet.  And there is no quicker way to aggravate me than to refuse to discuss what I see is the problem.  BUT, I do see this as an homage to my grandparents' successful marriage.  Is that bizarre?  I witness two people with the same style that succeeded.  They both have a minimal filter, and for that reason, or perhaps in spite of it, their marriage has bloomed.  

Back to the party.  We spent about an hour taking pictures at my parents' church, then headed over to Anna's Greek Cuisine.  You have to understand that Anna's is a Thanksgiving tradition for my family.  Sure, only my uncle is REALLY Greek, but we all love the food, and have it every post-Thanksgiving Friday.  Anna's wonderful, and specifically makes vegetarian dishes for the family, and we can't say enough good things about Anna and her restaurant.  It's very small, and in a strip mall, so we took up most of the restaurant from 4-6pm.  Well, maybe a little later, but we were supposed to leave!  Everything was DELICIOUS, and we had brought in cupcakes, which Robby indulged heavily in.  My grandparents seemed genuinely touched by the album, and we had a wonderful time.

The moment when he realized that the cupcakes had made my little OCD man "Dirty"

At home, my parents presented them with their project...a HUGE box of letters.  My father had snagged their email contact list and sent out emails to everyone, requesting letters and cards.  Then, some groups they belonged to had sent out further emails (including, accidentally to my grandparents), and my mother and aunt had posted the request on Facebook.  So, this ended up being less than a complete surprise to my grandparents, but they were overwhelmed by how many people responded.  We're talking about well over a hundred!  And they are continuing to show up at my parents house, even today.  They obviously have made a huge impact on people in their 60 years of marriage.  

I think the event was a huge success, and I'm so lucky to have them in my life.  Happy 60 years, Grandma Jane and Grandpa George!

The "Correct" Relationship Style

Dogs and cats may not seem to be a good example here, but it's exactly what I've been throwing around in my mind.  Harper and Monster's relationship is at best love/hate.  At worst?  There may be some murder plots involved.  However, they can not stand to be apart from one another.  They will always check up on where the other has gone, and go bat or nudge the other just to ensure that they are aware that they're in the room.

This then leads to lots of screaming by Monster, and lots of running by both of them.  They would be happy to play this scream, run, swipe with the claws game for hours, and I don't think it's just Harper enjoying it.  But for Chris and my sanity, we usually don't let it go on that long.  Still, we'll turn around, and Monster will have gone up to the sleeping dog and wailed in her face, or Harper will walk up to Monster and be licking his head.

What does this have to do with relationships?  I know we all have friends or family that are in relationships where there is seemingly more bickering than friendly interaction.  Yet, I am often believe that some of these may be entirely healthy relationships and it is just their method of communication.  Whatever works for them, right?

It's a lot of the reason I have issues with talk shows, or even scripted television.  You rarely see more than one style of interaction that works.  Do I think we should encourage everyone to scream on occasion?  Absolutely not.  I do think it helps some people to vent, though.

The irony is that neither Chris or I are screamers.  So, who knows where the example came from.  I am somewhat confrontational in my argument style, though.  I am not one to beat around the bush.  I say what's on my mind, and that's that.  Chris can be passive-agressive.  I know that these roles are a little reversed from the male-female stereotypes, but that sounds about the norm for us.

For example, let's take cleaning bathrooms.  All of our favorite task.  *heavy sarcasm*  I have taken the "I absolutely do not want to do it, and will take chores x, y, and z instead" route.  I own up to avoiding it, being lazy, and generally doing everything in my power to give it over to Chris.  Chris takes a more circuitous approach.  Meaning, I find the bathroom cleaner and rag following me everywhere I go.  It will be sitting on top of my make-up, or next to my pile of clothes, or anywhere else that he thinks I might notice it.  DRIVES ME UP THE FRICKIN WALL.  He can spend an eternity plotting how to get me to "notice" something, rather than just doing it.  And then, his most recent tactic, was that he "gave in" and cleaned the tub.  Kinda.  It was still absolutely filthy and disgusting.  He knew that would drive the perfectionist in me up the wall, and of course, it immediately had me in grungy clothes scrubbing down the tub 5 minutes after he claimed to be done.

Long rambly post later...I wish there were more examples of functioning relationships that embraced different styles.  It sure would be nice to have role models that looked like real people!  So often, you only see the dysfunction, though I guess that makes for a better sitcom.