This week has been such a roller coaster. I opened my email a few days ago to an unbelieveable opportunity that seemingly just fell into my lap. I couldn't believe my luck! (And no, it wasn't some long lost relative from Africa leaving me a fortune.) I immediately acted upon it, and things seemed beyond promising. Until...the "you're pregnant" card fell from the deck.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm excited that the Lion is coming, and he will be loved and cherished, but I have truly struggled this whole pregnancy with the idea that things aren't happening in our "time", or according to our "plan". Funny, right? I'm 30, I should've learned by now that things never do work out quite the way you envision them. But I have struggled at the times that I'm almost bitter with my little man for coming too soon.
When we first discovered we were pregnant, it was daunting, but we could handle it. My career wasn't exactly a Cinderella story, and we didn't have the money saved that we would have hoped, but we'd be able to swing it. Then the dog, and the basement, and the lay-off...all just made things a bit more difficult. Still, the whole time, I tried to remind myself that even with one income, we were better off than many people. Our bills are paid, we have tightened our belts, but we're still moving forward.
I tried my best to put myself into a better position, but it was seemingly going nowhere. I dealt with rejection, and downright anger when I found out someone who I see as "charmed" felt I didn't deserve the one glimmer of hope that had appeared on the scene because it hadn't happened to her. (Of course, everything worked out perfectly for her shortly after.)
Anyway, this opportunity started to renew my faith that maybe I did have the promise, and the intelligence, and the skills that I used to believe I possessed when I was in school. People actually thought I was "ideal" and were excited about ME. And now? I get to go back to where I was because of having a manditory break imposed on my life in June. And that doesn't fit in their time.
Hopefully, I don't fall back into the depression that had really started to consume me a few months ago, and I can just see this as reassurance that something WILL happen next fall, or whenever is God's time. For now? The letdown after such a steep, unexpected climb is being accutely felt.
Thinking about you, friend! I know it's hard, but there are silver linings out there, and I completely believe that things happen for a reason. So sorry about this letdown!
ReplyDeleteHere for you Katy....I know how it feels to have to put your life on hold when you're pregnant but Lion will be here in no time and you'll get back out there!
ReplyDeleteThat stinks. I hate people who only care about themselves like that. Not much of a friend!
ReplyDeleteI've learned the hard way that there never is a "perfect" time for anything. If you wait around for it, you'll never get to do what you want to do because "perfect" doesn't really exist.
Praying for you! Try not to stress. You and your hubby are smart and you will be back on your feet in no time. It is such a challenging time anyway and then to heap pregnancy hormones, life challenges and the crappy economy on top of it all doesnt help. Looking back on it all, you will see how God brought you through it and yall and your family will be stronger for it. AND to top all of that off, you will have a cutie pie lion to show for it all!! ...I do have to say that having just had a baby, it hasnt been as expensive as I thought. We spend probably $50 a month on diapers and wipes and since I am breastfeeding, we have no food expenses other than now the box of oatmeal ($3 every 3 weeks or so). I do splurge on clothes here and there and probably spend $50 on that and random goodies for the baby. All of that to say that after the initial start up which was expensive for - bouncer, swing, bed, etc, we have managed fairly well. I was really scared of how it would affect our finances going from a two income family to me being part time. You do what you have to do and I know its helping to strengthen mine and my hubbys marriage along with allowing us to see what our real "needs" versus our "wants" are....wow this was way too long of a comment!! praying for you honey and if you need anything or just a random shoulder to vent to, please email me!!! laurenbtrain@gmail.com
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